06 April 2012

Sports, beer, rock, and tits

Tonight I went, for the first time, to the restaurant Twin Peaks. If you haven't heard of it, it's basically like Hooters – basic Americana grub served up by scantily clad hot women. A friend of mine is going through some marital woes, and he wanted the scenery.

Now, I'm not going to pretend like I don't love a scantily clad hot woman. If I'm gonna eat fish tacos, better they're served by a hottie than by some fat old bastard. But I'm not a fan of the way our culture panders to stereotypes of guyness. Oh you're a guy? You must like sports. And draft beer. And top 40 mainstream rock. And of course tits. Sports, beer, rock, and tits. Oh, and stuff. Y'know, cars, gadgets, the polished Harley parked in the entryway, etc.

She's not really doing this to pay for college.
Except actually, I'm not that into beer... I like wine and Scotch. I fucking hate sports. I listen to death metal and I think Nickelback should be launched into the sun. I really don't give a shit about cars and bikes and gadgets. You got me though, I do love tits. But I'm also not stupid enough to get duped into dropping huge tips for those girls just because they flirt with me, call me "babe" and shake their cans. I know that's what they get paid to do. I know when the girl serving us was telling another guy she'd been single for two years, she was probably lying. Because, like strip clubs, Twin Peaks and Hooters sell the illusion that the girl talking to you really is into you. And if she's into you, then hey, you might actually have a chance with her! No, fuckwit, you don't. She's going to go home and tell her boyfriend about what a stupid idiot you were, and then use the generous tip you gave her to buy herself some skinny jeans from Express.

And it's not just that stuff. It's also the stereotype that guys are attracted to women for their bodies, and not much else. I'm not saying that physical beauty is not an important component of attraction, because of course it is, but y'know what really turns me on? A woman who can talk about science and politics and culture, who's knowledgeable and passionate about what she does, and who laughs at my jokes without expecting to get a tip out of it. A woman who doesn't have to wear skimpy outfits to exude sensuality.

The sad thing is, I think that places like Twin Peaks are successful in part because it's actually kind of true. Guys in general do tend to love draft beer, Nickelback, sports, and dumb women with perky tits. I'm sure guys with subscriptions to Scientific American, blue hair and tickets to Opeth concerts who value intelligence over cleavage are in the minority. I just hope that women don't forget that we're out there.

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