The Vatican: people are attacking the Pope because they hate how good he is

Vatican Blasts Anti-Catholic "Hate" Campaign

Of all the ridiculous, pompous, self-aggrandizing nonsense that the Vatican could spew in the midst of widespread abuse scandals, possibly none of them are more condescending than the allegations made by Cardinals Julian Herranz and Angelo Sodano: it's because the Pope and the church represent a higher morality than the rest of us minions wish to adhere, so people are just rebelling against the church out of their own self-interest. As Sodano put it:

"The pope embodies moral truths that aren't accepted, and so, the shortcomings and errors of priests are used as weapons against the church."
Herranz said it's because people want to have abortions and accept gay people:
"The pope defends life and the family, based on marriage between a man and a woman."

This is some pretty hardcore douchebaggery. It's worth noting that the only reason anyone actually thinks being homosexual is wrong is because they've arbitrarily cherry-picked scriptures from a primitive, irrelevant textbook. Actual scientific research over the last half-century has shown that homosexual people and the children they raise live just as healthy, happy, well-adjusted lives as straight people. And while the issue of abortion may be a little more thorny, nothing stifles our ethical progress on the matter by painting the issue in black and white terms while claiming to be informed by an invisible, unverifiable yet magically infallible source of knowledge.

But regardless of one's feelings on these topics, this "defense" of the Catholic church is clearly little more than a ruse to divert attention from the fact that the Catholic church has both a widespread problem with pedophilia and a tendency to try to coddle the accused, intimidate victims, and sweep the problem under the rug. There is evidence that the Pope may have been culpable in some cover-ups, and the evidence should be examined dispassionately and objectively. Period. The Pope, contrary to Catholic doctrine, is not infallible. Like the rest of the mucky mucks in the church, he's just a deluded old fart in a stupid hat, clinging to outmoded, irrelevant and absurd mythology – and there's no more authority underlying anything he says than there is in the rambly wisdom of a curbside hot dog vendor.


  1. Always listen to the Garbage Man in Dilbert instead of the Pope or Hot Dog vendors.

  2. I always take my direction from the Garbage Man in Dilbert as opposed to the Pope or Hot dog vendors

  3. I think Hitchens put it best when he described the catholic church as being comprised of a bunch of old, hysterical, sinister virgins.

    Yes, these are just the sort who we should listen to for the best advise on how to care for our children.

    ...wait, my dad always taught me to learn from those that do. If you want to learn how to build a house, ask a carpenter. If you want to learn how to fix a leaky sink, ask a plumber.

    So I gues if I want to learn how to best raise my children, I should seek the advise of someone who has actually raised children, not someone who is afraid of their own private parts.

    Eureka! It all makes sense now!

    Excuse me, but I need to take a moment to go down to my local church and tell my priest to go fuck off.


  4. Ok, I'm back. Man, that felt good to tell "el padre" to "F" off.

    I also decided to give him so unsolicited advise (since they seem so found I provided so my advise to those of us who didn't ask for it).

    Specifically, I recommended he get laid.

    Luckily, I later realized that I shoudl have been crystal clear with my advise given, so I went back and made sure he understood that I was telling him he should get laid WITH AN ADULT.

    Wow, I really dodged a bullet with that one. You can never be to careful!


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